3 Suggestions for New Couples to Keep Relationships Going
According to psychologists John Gottman, Ph.D., and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., founders of the Gottman Institute, there are three pieces of advice that every new couple out there should consider to maintain their relationship. As quoted from the following Mind Body Green page.
1. Listen when your partner is upset
The key to a long-lasting relationship is to listen to your partner while complaining. "When you're angry," Josh Gottman told his wife Julie, "the world stops and I listen. And I want to know what's bothering you because your feelings and needs are the most important thing to me."Listening to your partner's complaints is the basis for building transparency and healthy communication. If you want to have a great relationship, they say, you should apply the listening model in earnest when your partner is upset, and support them through it.
2. Knowing their dreams
Not only is it important to listen to each other in everyday moments, but Julie Gottman Ph.D. also emphasizes the importance of knowing your partner's deepest dreams."Not a night dream," he said, "A dream for their lives." Almost everyone has the things they dream of, the things they expect for their lives next year, five years, or 10 years. And understanding your partner's dreams is essential to fostering a healthy relationship.
To do so, ask questions like, What really draws your heart into life? And be sure to honor those dreams in the future. "Keep asking that question, because people's dreams change, along with their life experiences, and their wisdom deepens."
3. Voice your needs
And lastly, Gottmans has one last piece of advice for every couple out there, whether they've just met or have been married for 20 years: Don't be afraid to say what you need.It makes sense, given that Julie and John's favorite advice relates to communication in some way or another. Not only do we want to show up and support our partner, but it's also important to allow them to do the same for us, which can involve being vulnerable and talking about our own needs.
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